Helvig's Helvitorials

Governor's Abuse of Flag Code confuses flag owners

Unpublished -

The American Flag is a perpetual symbol of independence, freedom and liberty. It is a declaration of the sovereignty of the United States. Old Glory flies high atop her pole as the ultimate icon of truth, justice and democracy. Our flag is a standing reminder that our nation is a republic, which broke away from the grip of tyranny, in order to form a more perfect union.

The American Flag soars over our federal buildings and welcomes us to our national monuments. It lines the streets of our cities and leads the way in our parades. Our flag flies proudly at our job sites, our schools and our places of worship. Our National Ensign sways in the wind aboard our naval vessels and greets us at the gates of our military posts.

The American Flag personifies the patriotism of our elected officials and our government employees. It is a reminder of the commitment and dedication of our nation's police officers and fire fighters. The Stars and Stripes also represents the honor, courage and sacrifice of every American who has served in our armed forces and it drapes the coffins of those who have given the ultimate sacrifice.

Our flag is all of this and much more. It is many things to many people. However, one thing the American Flag was never meant to be is the symbol of a state mandated protest against war. Unfortunately, that is exactly what is happening right here in Michigan.

Governor Granholm has abused her authority by using the American Flag to stir up animosity toward the Bush Administration's management of the war in Iraq. Ordering the flag to be lowered to half-staff every time a service member from Michigan is killed in combat is not authorized by the U.S. Flag Code and yet, that is exactly what she has done. Can you imagine this being national policy? The flag would be at half-staff every day for ten years, just because of the war in Iraq.

The Governor has confused a great number of Michiganders regarding the historical purpose of our National Ensign and has bewildered the state's flag owners with her half-staff protest. On any given day, you can drive down the city streets of any Michigan town and find some flags at full-staff and others at half-staff. Sometimes, these opposing posts will be on adjacent properties. The spirit of the flag has been severely darkened and the significance of lowering the flag to half-staff has been profoundly diminished by this deviation from protocol.

While it is acceptable for individuals to lower their personal flags because of the loss of a loved one, it is inappropriate for the governor to abuse the power of her office in this way. The U.S. Flag Code does not grant her the authority to disparage the American Flag under the guise of honoring our fallen service members. If the policy were meant to be used this way, every flag in the country would stay at half-staff every day. In fact, it would take 95 years just to honor those who died on Iwo Jima, thus eliminating the significance of lowering the flag.

If you have not done so recently, I would ask you to read the U.S. Flag Code. Be sure to look up the half-staff requirements and a governor's authority in subparagraph (m). While you are there, read the segment on Memorial Day. Even on the national holiday for honoring our fallen heroes, the flag is to be lowered to half-staff only until noon, then briskly raised back to the top of it's pole.

Governor Granholm's policy may appear to serve an honorable purpose, but after reading the U.S. Flag Code, one cannot help but question her motives. If Michigan cannot convince her to retract this policy, Michiganders should at least stop participating in her protest. We should all disregard her calls to lower our flags and instead abide by the federal policy. As for me, I have not and will not lower my American Flag at the command of a pretentious and seditious Canadian.

Think First of the Troops

Think first of the troops - Published in the Holland Sentinel on April 16, 2007

The following is a history lesson from a Vietnam veteran. "When I returned from Vietnam in 1968, I was treated like a criminal. While still in Thailand I had secured two tickets over two months in advance on TWA from L.A. to Wichita. One was first class and the other coach. Why? I had been forewarned that the airlines were not honoring the tickets of uniformed military personnel. I had a planned stop at my dad's in L.A. so I could meet my brothers and sisters for the first time, which was so important to me that I delayed getting home to my wife and three children after being gone a year from them.

"After that wonderful visit I arrived at the L.A. airport and learned it was spring break and the planes were loaded with college students going skiing in Arizona. As I stood there I caught stares of anger and disgust from other passengers. I was told by the gate clerk that in spite of having two tickets, there was no room for me on the airplane and I would not be allowed to board. I was one of about six military personnel trying to get home on that flight and none of us were allowed to board.

"Fortunately, there was one person who was openly outraged by this injustice. He loudly insisted that I be allowed to board that plane and return home to my wife and children after being gone a year, serving my country. It was my dad! He made such a fuss that security and supervisors arrived to control the situation.

"In the end, TWA refused to remove any passenger to give me a seat, but did pay a couple to hold their 3-year-old child in their lap to Flagstaff so I could have a seat. Finally, I hugged my dad and boarded the plane under the angry stares of the passengers, especially the college students, dodging the draft and on a holiday. Luckily, the plane from Flagstaff to Wichita was 75 percent empty.

"The Vietnam War Monument in Washington, D.C. was an apology of sorts from the American people for all the hate and pain they put on us and our families as a result of the fervor raised by the media and liberals during that period. Families, including mine, were threatened with suffering and even death, while we were serving in Vietnam. My wife received a number of threatening phone calls and some of these people even came to our home. Eventually, my family had to be protected by local police and federal agents prior to my return. You have no idea how she suffered alone, nor how I endured fear for her safety and that of my children, while thousands of miles from home.

"Freedom is never free or paid off. Please think about what the actions of the few have on the lives of all. Truth is only known when sought and is not found on the 6 o'clock news. Seek the truth and don't let another's agenda influence you. Look on both sides and decide for your self."

This letter carries special meaning for me, as I was one of the three children in this story. I do not frequently hear tales like this from my father or other veterans I know. Most just accept the negative events of their pasts and press on with their lives.

As we debate the necessity of war, supporting our troops and the funding of military operations abroad, we should consider the impact of such debates on the people who are most directly affected, -- the service member and his/her family. If we think of them first, maybe we will choose our words and actions more carefully, thereby avoiding a repeat of past transgressions.

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Published in the Holland Sentinel on February 19, 2007 -

Serving as a member of the United States armed forces is a great personal sacrifice.

Unlike the average American, our troops willingly give up many of their civil liberties. Once in the military, they are held to a very high personal standard. For example: Where else in the United States can you get convicted and serve a prison term for committing adultery? Where else in America can you go to jail, simply for telling your boss "no" or for being late to work?

Most civilians have no idea what military life is like or just what our troops have to go through in order to serve successfully in our armed forces. Many civilians honestly don't understand the meaning of words like honor, code, unity and sacrifice. It is not the ignorance of these people that bothers me. Rather, it is the willingness of so many to take a stand against a topic which they truly don't understand. If they are going to voice their opinion on an issue, they should do their homework and get to know the people involved.

As the death toll in Iraq continues to climb, so do the rumblings by people who have no appreciation for the phrase "the ultimate sacrifice." One of my least favorite comments is, "Don't give me this ultimate sacrifice crap."

Here are a few thoughts about "the ultimate sacrifice." Patriots who died in the Revolutionary War and our Civil War gave it. Patriots who died in the World War I and World War II gave it. Patriots who died in the Korean Conflict and the Vietnam War gave it. Patriots who died in the first Gulf War gave it. Patriots who died on 9/11 gave it. Patriots who died in Afghanistan gave it. Patriots who have and will die in the current war will give it; and every other man and woman who dared to put on a uniform who has died on active duty has given it.

In today's U.S. military, everyone is a volunteer. Each individual who joins the armed forces of America does so for his or her own reasons. Some join to get away from their existing life. Some join for the educational benefits. Some join for the adventure. Some join because of family traditions. Some join because they love their country and are willing to fight to the death, if necessary, to defend this great nation.

Regardless of why they joined, they all become a part of something that is greater than themselves. They become a member of an elite fighting force, which will respond to any call at any time. They fully understand that their response could lead to injury or even death. Yet, they do all that they can to be the very best at what they do. They truly are the world's finest.

These brave individuals didn't join the service with the hope of dying in combat. In fact, they train very hard in every possible climate to prepare themselves for battle. They endure the pain of training, so that when and if they have to go into combat, they will have a fighting chance of coming home to their loved ones alive and well. In the event that they don't come home safe, we should know that they died fighting for what they believed in. They died fighting for justice and the American way. They did in fact, give "the ultimate sacrifice" so that we could enjoy all of the freedoms that this great nation offers.

As Americans, we can never let their sacrifice be in vain. We must always respect their courage and their dedication. We must respect their willingness to put themselves in harms way. We must respect their choice to defend this great nation. We owe them and we must always honor them for giving the ultimate sacrifice.

May God bless the United States of America and all of our patriots who have given the ultimate sacrifice. May God also bless the friends and families of these courageous individuals, for their sacrifice is also great.

Christians Will Win Cold War

Published in the Holland Sentinel on December 18, 2006.

When you hear the term, "Cold War," you probably think about the 46-year conflict between the United States and the Soviet Union. You remember people like Truman and Reagan, Stalin and Gorbachev. You remember events like the Cuban missile crisis, the Vietnam war, the Soviet war in Afghanistan and the downing of the Berlin Wall. You remember the fear, the tension, and the threat of a seemingly imminent all-out nuclear war. You remember people building bomb shelters, participating in civil defense drills and clinging to their televisions and radios, as they waited for President Kennedy to save them from complete annihilation.

The Cold War was a long and dreadful event in America's history. It cost each side trillions of dollars and many lives. It brought about a number of nuclear nations and resulted in missile silos being placed all over the planet. For decades, the Cold War dominated global politics and economics, and had a significant impact on the ideological and cultural growth of our world.

Just what is a cold war? One definition says that "a cold war is a state of rivalry and tension between two factions, groups or individuals that stops short of open, violent confrontation." The war in Iraq is not a cold war. It is however a religious war; a holy war; a jihad. Islamic extremists are fighting Christians in an attempt to stamp out Christianity so that they can exterminate the nation of Israel. These extremists have their evil hearts set on global domination and they have engaged in violent confrontation to achieve that goal.

American Christians need to pray for victory in the Middle East, for the safety of Israel and for an end to Islam's quest for global domination. These Christians also need to wake up to the reality that they are in the middle of a cold war right here in America. The two factions include the Christians on the right and the anti-Christs on the left. The anti-Christs are not fighting battles with guns and bombs. They are fighting a cold war against Christians with words and ideals.

The anti-Christs are winning because the average American Christian does not yet know they are in the middle of a losing battle. They do not believe they have been or are being persecuted. They do not recognize the attacks of the enemy, because there is no physical suffering associated with this cold war. However, if they take a step back, read the scriptures and take to heart God's warnings, they will come to realize the significance of what is happening to God's Church right here in the land which promises freedom of religion.

This cold war has many fronts. There are battles taking place in our schools, in the media and inside our government. Attacks are being launched against our children through TV, movies and video games. Attacks are being launched against our young adults in our colleges, on the Internet and at events such as spring break. Attacks are being launched against our poor and our seniors who are being led to put their faith in government instead of in God.

The anti-Christs are tearing away at the very fabric of family. They have effectively convinced many Christians that sin is not sin. They have twisted God's loving grace into a license for immorality. They promote sexual freedom and excuse sexual misconduct. They have diluted the Christian's belief in the need for repentance. The anti-Christs preach their lies to America and have methodically turned the tide of public opinion against Christians.

You know who their generals are because you see them on TV and hear them on the radio. They can't do their shows without attacking God's children and they can't make a movie without taking the Lord's name in vane. They desire a secular nation and they want God out of everything. Their generals are convincing because their commander-in-chief is a crafty serpent. His name is Satan and he has the upper hand.

What shall we do? Shall we continue to ignore the reality of our situation? Shall we run and hide? Shall we cower in fear? Shall we give in to the ways of wickedness? No! Christians are called to take a stand and to don the armor of God. We are to be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Christians are to be alert and to pray in the spirit, while fearlessly making known the mystery of the Gospel. We shall win the battles and win this cold war. That is what we shall do.

John Kerry's Worst Enemy

Unpublished - John Kerry's Worst Enemy by Alan Helvig

   Senator John Kerry wanted to be President of the United States of America? He wanted to be the Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful armed force in the world? He wanted to be the most influential leader on the entire planet? John Kerry couldn't lead a pack of cub scouts on a camping trip!

   Kerry lacked leadership qualities as an officer in the United States Navy; he lacks leadership qualities as a U.S. Senator; and he totally lacks the leadership qualities required to be the President of the United States. Leadership requires courage; leadership requires tact; leadership requires respect; and most importantly, leadership requires integrity. Unfortunately, John Kerry does not meet the minimum requirements to be a positive, effective leader.

   In addition to his shortcomings, Kerry has too many enemies to be an effective leader. His enemies include the likes of conservative talk show hosts like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, but they are not the worst of his enemies. His enemies include the likes of influential leaders in the Republican Party such as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Vice President Dick Cheney and President George W. Bush, but they are not the worst of his enemies.

   John Kerry's worst enemy is that gaping hole located directly below the nose on his face. There must be a blown fuse or a lose connection somewhere on that long journey from his liberal brain to his big mouth. Kerry couldn't overcome his worst enemy during the Viet Nam war; he couldn't overcome his worst enemy during the 2004 presidential campaign; and he can't overcome his worst enemy today.

   Kerry's recent derogatory comments regarding the brave men and women who are fighting and dying in Iraq were reprehensible at best. Following his unthinkable attack on America's finest, Kerry refused to accept responsibility for his misgivings and apologize to those whom he has verbally assaulted. Once again, Kerry's worst enemy has defeated him.

   There is however, good news in all of this. Those brave men and women in uniform could honestly care less about what Senator Kerry thinks of them or says about them. They are lean, mean fighting machines and they will not be weakened by the ramblings of a whining, left-wing, war protestor who does not appreciate them. Their character is too strong to be brought down by those lacking moral fiber. They stand united in the face of such stupidity and will not be demoralized by those who do not sincerely and publicly support them in their mission.

  So, my salute goes out to every man and woman in the U.S. Armed Forces, who didn't hear what Kerry said, didn't care about what Kerry said, or simply wasn't affected by what Kerry said. You can rest assured that this accounts for close to 100% of our military. And the command sounded, "Present arms!"

Left Wing Hypocrisy

Left Wing Hypocrisy - Unpublished

As ABC prepares to air their mini-series regarding the events leading to the events on 9/11, the left is up in arms over the docudrama's implications that former President Clinton's inaction greatly contributed to the attacks of 9/11. I will save that debate for later. What bothers me most about this whole thing is the whiny rhetoric coming from the left, as they launch attack after attack on ABC, calling for truth and honest representations in the mini-series.

'The Path to 9/11', as it is called, has a number of top democrats crying foul and slinging allegations of political bias against ABC.  Among others, Senators Harry Reid (NV) and Charles Schumer (NY) sent a letter to ABC, accusing them of "right-wing political propaganda". They basically accused ABC of being irresponsible and have called for the cancellation of the mini-series.

If truth and honesty are so important to the libs, why is it that they only cry out when they believe one of their own is being falsely accused of wrong-doing? Where was their outrage when Michael Moore put out his misguided and misleading 'documentary' on President Bush? Where were Reid and Schumer when Senator Kennedy was flinging his false, unproven and unsubstantiated allegations against the President? Can you name one top democrat who denounced CBS, Mary Mapes and Dan Rather for falsifying evidence to substantiate their allegations regarding Bush's Air National Guard service? I didn't think so.

Isn't it sad that the liberals view integrity as a one-way street; honesty is only applicable to them when their side is under attack; and the truth only matters when it serves their purpose. To them, integrity is something to be turned on and off, like a light switch, as they see fit. Isn't it sad that this is the attitude of members of our U.S. Senate and House of Representatives?

Response to Iran

Unpublished - Response to Iran. AKA - If I were President

On their website, the Fox News Channel asked the question, "How would you handle Iran thumbing its nose at the U.N. deadline?"  Here is my seven step response.

First:  I would identify 30 - 50 nuclear threat targets and confirm their exact coordinates with at least three different intelligence organizations.

Second:  I would use my best spyware to track Ahmadinejad's exact location.

Third:  I would pick a time and place when I can confirm Ahmadinejad's expected long term presence at a place which offers minimal collateral damage.

Fourth:  I would launch a series of Tomahawk missiles on Ahmadinejad's confirmed location.

Fifth:  I would launch a series of Tomahawk missiles on the 30 - 50 confirmed nuclear threat targets with a coordinated destruction time within 10 minutes of killing Ahmadinejad.

Sixth:  I would reach out to the new Iranian leader and ask him to discuss the unconditional dismantlement of Iran's nuclear program.

Seventh:  I would repeat steps one through six until Iran is in full compliance with my no-nukes policy.

Helvig's Hits & Misses

Published August 21, 2006 - Alan's Hits and Misses (Different sequence) in the Holland Sentinel

Hit: Israel's attack on Hezbollah should be a lesson for all nations who oppose terrorism to follow. Terrorists attacked Israel, killing and kidnapping a number of their citizens. Israel gave ample warning to Hezbollah, calling for the return of their two kidnapped soldiers. Hezbollah refused and Israel kicked the living crap out of them for over a month. Make no mistake about it. This is not just about two young men who were abducted by cowards. This is about a nation standing up to terrorist aggression and taking appropriate action to prevent similar future acts. All countries who harbor terrorists should take a lesson from the people of Lebanon. "If you sleep with terrorists, you just might get blown out of your bed!"

Miss: The bleeding heart liberals in the United Nations and all across this globe who expressed any sympathy for Hezbollah have caused grave damage in the war on terror. Showing sympathy for terrorists is a bad move, no matter how you slice it. The U.N. gave Sheik Hassan Nasrallah a huge victory for Hezbollah by openly criticizing Israel for their actions against this band of cut-throats. This victory extends all terrorists, who now know that if they can make the victim look like the aggressor, the world will turn on them, as many have turned on Israel. Once again, the United Nations has proven to be worthless, when it comes to the war on terror. We need to get the U.N. out of the U.S. and get the U.S. out of the U.N. (Photo is old file)

Hit: I would like to congratulate Al Friend and the Holland Peacemakers for their recent victory. They fought a long and hard battle to place a new peace pole in a Holland city park. On July 5, their efforts paid off when the Holland City Council voted unanimously to allow them to place a new peace pole in Smallenburg Park. This just goes to prove that if you want peace bad enough and if you are willing to fight hard enough, peace can be achieved. We can only hope the Holland Peacemakers will learn and understand that this same rule applies to the real world. Sometimes it takes a long, hard-fought battle to achieve peace, not a piece of wood in a small-town park.

Miss: It is sad that fewer than 20 percent of the Ottawa and Allegan County registered voters made it to the polls to vote on Aug. 8 The primary election can be just as important as the general election for many races. In some cases, the primary is the only election for that race. How is it that 80 percent of the registered voters could allow the other 20 percent to decide their fate regarding road repairs, tax increases and candidates who will represent them in the general election? To the 20 percent I say, "Congratulations and thanks!" To the 80 percent I say, "You had your chance to let your voice be heard, so don't let us hear you complaining about anything that came from this year's primary."

Miss: When did we become so selfish that we think the whole road belongs to us and us alone? I am so tired of having to dodge idiots on the road who believe that since the trash truck is stopped in front of them, they can force me off the road as they go around it. This same act of stupidity applies to drivers with mail trucks, yard debris, bicyclists and any other obstacle in their path. How does it happen? Driver No. 1 comes up behind something in his lane and swerves left of center into oncoming traffic so that he doesn't have to slow down. Driver No. 2 (coming from the opposite direction) has to swerve or stop in order to avoid getting hit head-on by driver No. 1. Let's get this straight: Having an obstacle in your lane does not give you the right to cross left of center into oncoming traffic. Tell a friend!

The Press and the Protestors

Unpublished - The Press and the Protestors
Every day, the press focuses on the death toll in Iraq. Not only do they point out the total number of deaths, but they draw special attention to the number of Americans killed in Iraq. The liberals in the media want everyone to hear and see the negative side of this war and they will do whatever it takes to make things seem as bad as possible. What they won't do is give you comparisons to other death toll statistics so that you can judge for yourself, just how bad things really are.

The anti-war protestors feed on these media reports and publicly denounce this war. They cry out against the injustice of war. They publicly mourn the loss of each life and pride themselves on their own version of humanity. They stage their protests and they rally against our government. Many express hatred for anyone who supports our President or the war itself. In some cases, the protestors even attack our servicemen and women, simply because they are willing to fight for this country.

The average murder rate in America for the past decade is over 17,200 homicides per year. That equates to an average of 47 murders per day in this country. I have yet to see one headline which reads "47 Murdered in America" or "47 Brutally Slain in one Day". Where are the dramatic headlines drawing attention to this human crisis? Where are the protestors on this issue? Where is the outrage in America? Where are the tears for these victims?

There were over 101,500 deaths in America listed as "unintentional fatalities" in 2004. That is an average of 278 so-called "accidental" deaths per day. The highest single category was motor vehicle accidents, with 43,788 deaths. That equates to 120 lives lost in car crashes per day. Where are the headlines for these figures? Where are the anti-death protestors on this issue? How many anti-war protestors have you seen protesting drivers on American highways for their reckless disregard for life?

The press is quick to lump the casualty figures from Iraq together into one headline for dramatic effect. However, you will never see them doing the same right here at home for the non-war casualty figures. Iraq is a country at war, fighting for their freedom and democracy. Islamic extremists and terrorists are killings dozens of Iraqis on a daily basis. Of course their death toll is going to be high. America does not have any combat operations happening on our soil, and yet we kill over 300 people per day.

If the anti-war protestors truly cared about the senseless loss of life, they would protest murder and call for stiffer punishment for killers. They would be members of safety groups right here in America, promoting driver safety and teaching people to avoid deadly situations. They would draw great attention to post "accidental" death tolls by posting them on billboards and in the media. They would work hard to drive down the excessively high "unintentional fatality" rate in America.

My son is a U.S. Marine who has already served two tours in Iraq. I am in no hurry to see him return to the Middle East. Like most Americans, I anxiously await an end to the hostilities in Iraq and in the Middle East. Like most Americans, I would prefer to avoid war whenever possible. However, unlike most Americans, I can see through the fog of the headlines and through the pickets of the protestors. I understand the true depth of the cost of war and I recognize the need to finish the job in the Middle East.

Statistically speaking, an American is more likely to get killed in Washington D.C. or New Orleans than in Iraq. Many Americans believe that war is stupid. However, more Americans die every day from stupidity, than they do from war.

Today's Seven Dwarfs

Unpublished - Today's Seven Dwarfs, by Alan Helvig

Dopey Annan - Kofi couldn't see the writing on the wall if he was strapped to a chair, facing the wall, with his eyes taped open. He is consistently on the wrong side of too many issues. Dopey has once again shown his true colors, as he has sided with the terrorists instead of siding with Israel. Any show of support for Hezbollah on behalf of the U.N. can only embolden them to continue their terrorist activities. Dopey's unsubstantiated accusation that Israel deliberately attacked the U.N. observation post in Lebanon  has caused grave damage to the war on terror. We need a Secretary General who understands that there can be no tolerance for terrorists and no sympathy for those who harbor terrorists.

Doc Chirac - According to the Jerusalem Post, 'German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Jacques Chirac discussed the crisis in the Middle East and agreed to consult closely on the next steps to take...' Doc believes 'that the UN Security Council must create the conditions for a lasting cease fire, and that the basis must be a "political agreement between Israel and Lebanon and the full implementation of resolution 1559," which calls for the disarmament of all militias in Lebanon.' Wow Doc! Did you come up with that one all by yourself? Let's sum this one up: Doc's plan calls for procrastination, deliberation and waiting on the U.N. to do the right thing. What else could we possibly expect from the French?

Sleepy Carter - Poor Jimmy.  He was a sleep at the helm during his presidency and he is still sleeping when it comes to today's global issues.  Sleepy wrote this in the Washington Post on August 1, 2006: "It is inarguable that Israel has a right to defend itself against attacks on its citizens, but it is inhumane and counterproductive to punish civilian populations in the illogical hope that somehow they will blame Hamas and Hezbollah for provoking the devastating response. The result instead has been that broad Arab and worldwide support has been rallied for these groups, while condemnation of both Israel and the United States has intensified." First off, Israel is not punishing the civilians in Lebanon. They are returning fire on Hezbollah rocket & artillery launch sites. It is Hezbollah who is using the Lebanese civilians as shields, thus making them targets of retaliatory strikes. The responsibility must be placed on the terrorist organization, Hezbollah, for the civilian deaths in Lebanon. Anything short of this only generates more sympathy for the terrorists. As for Sleepy, he needs to go back to bed and leave the thinking to people who are willing to fight terrorism.

Grumpy Ahmadinejad - Mahmoud's plan of using Hezbollah to draw Israel into another armed conflict has worked. His desire for the world to see Israel as the bad guy is being fulfilled. Grumpy's thirst for the destruction of Israel is being quenched, as global leaders are hammering Israel for defending herself against present and future terrorist attacks. As compassion for Hezbollah increases and as the condemnation of Israel mounts, Grumpy's evil goals are being achieved. If we are not careful, Grumpy will have to change his name to Cheerful.

Happy Nasrallah - Sheik Hassan has achieved his goal of making Israel out to be the aggressor in the eyes of the world. Sympathy for Hezbollah is growing daily, thanks to the words and inactions of many on this page. Happy may be running for his life and hiding out in a supposed safe-house, but he is undoubtedly pleased with how the global consensus is turning against Israel. The only good terrorist is a dead terrorist. Israel needs to find Happy and take him out, just like the U.S. took out that other happy terrorist in Iraq, Al-Zarqawi. Even if it means bombing the Iranian Embassy, Israel needs to turn Happy into a 'good terrorist'.

Bashful Bin-Laden - Osama must be loving this entire situation in Lebanon, while he cowers in his Afghan cave. Bashful is undoubtedly praising Allah for all of the Muslim deaths in Lebanon, as each one generates more sympathy for the terrorists. He gets to hide in his hole, while Hezbollah sacrifices a great number of their members for the sake of turning the world against Israel. As the world leaders condemn Israel's actions, Bashful's grin grows larger and larger.

Sneezy Chavez - Hugo may not care about what is happening in the Middle East, but he has to love what it is doing to the United States. I chose Chavez to be Sneezy because he must be doped up on cocaine to dream up all the allegations he has lobbed at America. One can only hope that he will sneeze the hatred right out of his mind and become an advocate for freedom and a friend of the U.S. Well, what do you expect? This is a fantasy based article.